Last year I bought a beanie from the SMFC shop. It was a navy beanie, with a South logo embroidered on the front. It was simple and no nonsense – and yet, it had so much wrong with it.

The logo wasn’t centred and the beanie’s shape was warped. When I wore it, the material jutted out and made my head look boxy. The inside label irritated my hair so much that I eventually had to cut it out with scissors.

Many of these issues though were obvious when I decided on this purchase. In fact, the problems were so obvious that I actually remember feeling guilty when I spent my $25 to buy the beanie. So why did I buy it?

I bought it for the same reason you buy anything at games. I was charmed by the match day experience, and I surrendered to the temptation. It was a moment of weakness that would go onto have lasting impacts – in part because I ended up wearing the beanie so much.

I wore the beanie at soccer training, at South games, for late night runs, and for weekend coffees on frosty mornings. It was often the last thing I’d grab when I left the house and eventually the beanie became a small part of my day to day life.

The nylon fibres sealed in warmth which made winter more manageable, and the off-centre logo helped me spread South propaganda at the local café as well as at my local soccer club.

However, after months of this routine, just as I grew to love my South beanie, one day I woke up and discovered that the beanie had disappeared.

I went through all the stages of grief. I searched my car (denial) and I accused my friends of having it (anger). I told myself it would pop up eventually (bargaining) but eventually I sunk into a depression (depression).

It’s now been a full preseason (and some) without my beanie and I have finally accepted that it is gone.

This whole episode though made me realise how impactful merchandise can be. Merchandise keeps you connected to the club and finds ways to integrate itself into your everyday life.

Ultimately though I can find other ways to keep warm, and my connection to the club will always be more than simply merchandise.

Yes, I still miss my old South beanie but overall, I have grown and learnt from the experience.

Also, I got a new hat.